Control Your Time 

First thing, you need to control your time or others will! Your clients, customers, staff, friends, vendors, and even your family will zap your time. By being mindful of how you choose to spend your time you can direct and savor it. Personally, I like to spend as much time with my family as possible and this has served as a great motivator for me to constantly evaluate where and how I spend my moments. Being clear on my goals and targets has really proved beneficial in this process. So, if you need to stop here and address this area, I encourage you to do so before moving on. By determining what you want you can allocate the resources you need to accomplish it. If you don’t know what you want you can be easily lead into time wasting situation and environments.

Use Benchmarks 

Once you have a clear understanding of your personal desires you can use benchmarks to help stay on track. Daily, weekly, monthly, and per project benchmarks are incredibly helpful and will keep you accountable. Remember, you cannot manage what you cannot measure. Integrity is incredibly important when we are on the topic of time management. Ask yourself, where are you out of integrity with your intentions and goals and what are you willing to do differently? The answers may surprise you.

Renew Your Mindset

Time and worry leaks are another area that needs to be addressed. Self defeating thoughts can stop you in your tracks. If you will commit to purposeful dedication to staying positive you will see remarkable changes. Daily affirmations are a great way to keep your ‘self talk’ positive and you on track to success. Unnecessary worrying is another tremendous burden on your time and energy. Take back your power, stay in the now, and make up your mind that you will control your internal environment.

Say No to Procrastination

When faced with procrastination keep in mind the following. Steal the moments, if you can make a dent in a project – do it, don’t get sucked into the ‘I don’t have time to finish it now’ mindset. Break large jobs into bite sized pieces. Remain realistic. Don’t get overbooked; be mindful of what is reasonable and appropriate. Reward yourself and schedule breaks into your day, you deserve the opportunity to recharge.

Don’t forget that time is currency. Take control and lead your life. Keep in mind that it all depends on you so live your life within these parameters and you will be an excellent role model for your children!

Believe you can

When we believe we can achieve anything; even increase self confidence. People who are self assured make better choices and treat others with respect. They carry with them an attitude of gratitude and truly appreciate all that they have. When you are grateful you have joy and it is through joy that true happiness emerges. Self confident people speak up and share their ideas willingly. They are quick to offer help and believe they can be of assistance. They focus on the needs of others and are quick to contribute.

Lacking Self Confidence

Each of us has a purpose in this world but if we are lacking in self confidence that purpose may not be expressed. Your children deserve to be the best they can be and the rest of us deserve to benefit from their gifts. What if Beethoven never played piano because he didn’t believe he was good enough? We may still be in the dark if Edison didn’t believe so strongly that he could in fact design an incandescent light bulb that would work. Or what about Ford, people laugh at him and made fun of his Model -T, but look at us now, we can’t even imagine a day without our automobiles.

Parents, take some time to discover the ‘placebo’ your children need to truly believe in themselves. We are all born into greatness and by unleashing the confidence necessary for success, success will follow – guaranteed!

Mutual Respect

A lack of respect creates problems in any relationship. When dealing with children adults need to remind themselves that respect is earned. Nagging, yelling, hitting, talking down, doing things for kids that they can do for themselves; following double standards are all disrespectful. (Ask yourself: do you require your children to knock before entering your bedroom but feel free to barge into theirs?) To establish mutual respect, we must be willing to demonstrate respect for our children. A great way to start is to minimize your negative talk. Speak with your children when the atmosphere is friendly and upbeat.

Time for Fun

Quality time is another key ingredient to building a healthy, happy relationship. It is not the quantity but the quality of time you spend with the members of your family that is important. One hour of quality time is much more valuable than five hours of conflict. Spend time daily with each member of your family doing something together that you both enjoy – invest in the relationship! I know you are busy, but your children won’t live with you forever! Savor the time you have with them NOW! In addition to individual time, I strongly recommend that you schedule family fun each week; this should be a time to laugh, enjoy each other’s company, and build memories that will comfort you for years to come.

Constant Encouragement

Believe in your family members so they can believe in themselves. Your children will especially benefit from your frequent encouragement. A cooperative relationship depends on how children feel about themselves and how they feel about you; so instead of focusing on your children’s mistakes, point out what you like and appreciate about them. Specifically describe what behaviors you want repeated, give them a recipe for success!

Communicated Love

Clearly and regularly communicate to your family the love you have for them. This will increase your children’s sense of security and strengthen any marriage! Let your family feel and hear your love. A gentle pat on the back, hugs, kisses, and tousling hair are extremely important gestures. Your attitude also expresses your love. When you demonstrate mutual respect and allow your children to develop responsibility and independence and that is the deepest expression of love.

Do you find yourself reponding ‘no’ to your children questions?

Ok parents, this may get a little uncomfortable but self assessment is not for the weak at heart! Over the past twenty-five years I have observed parents and what I continue to see on a regular basis, is parents whose first response to any question from their children is a single word – no! The problem with this knee jerk reaction is it shuts down communication between you and your child. Instead the challenge is to engage in conversation and understand the request.

Communicative Relationship

Through dialogue you open up windows for teachable moments and bonding opportunities. You gain insight into their thinking and most importantly you offer them the ability to clearly express their thoughts. When children are raised in a home that invites discussion they learn to articulate and to communicate. In addition, when a child knows he will be heard, he will learn to develop his perspective so he can allow you to see why his needs and desires are important.

Creating an Atmosphere that Encourages

By responding with: ‘tell me more about that’, ‘why is that important to you’, ‘how do you see that working’, or even ‘maybe’, the conversation can continue. We really want to encourage our children to do the majority of the thinking, especially when it is their ‘stuff’. By creating an atmosphere that encourages this type of exchange, kids will learn negotiation skills very early. Being able to clearly explain what you want and why, is a great way to help fight the epidemic of ‘Entitlementitis’. When a child is given the continued opportunity to consider the benefits to others when making his requests; and can learn to think from the other person’s perspective, you have prepared them to be very successful in business and in life.

Go ahead and give it a try, quit saying ‘no’ and instead ask open ended questions to gain more insight and to help your child better understand their own requests!

You Don’t Need A Special Occasion

Thank you notes can be used to express gratitude for friendship. Decide today to start to thank the important people in your life. It only takes a few minutes but the effect is long lasting. When writing your note, be as specific as possible; let them know exactly why they are special to you. Share with them how they have impacted your life and the aspects of their personality that are attractive to you. Acknowledge the special skills they possess and what you admire about them.

It Never Goes Out Of Style

There is also a place for thank you notes in business. Whether you are acknowledging a first meeting with a
potential client or following up on a sale, saying thank you never goes out of style. By taking the time to personally write out your thoughts and feelings, you are building rapport and making a great impression. Distinguishing yourself
in the marketplace is difficult; but it doesn’t need to be!

What Are You Waiting For?

So now I would like to invite you to take the ‘thank you’ challenge. Starting now, write three thank you notes
each day. Mary Kay Ash, the founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, wrote three thank you notes a day and believed that this practice definitely impacted the incredible growth of her company. Whether you are in business or not, get in the habit of practicing appreciation and watch the magic happen!

The way a child sees themselves is translated into their behavior. If their self talk is that of the ‘critical parent’ they will speak to others in that same critical tone. If they are angry at themselves they are more likely to be angry and intolerable of others. However, children who are pleased with themselves tend to be pleasant and compassionate to others. Abraham Lincoln summed this concept up best. “When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad.”

Howard C. Culter quoted his holiness the Dalai Lama who expanded on Lincoln’s words. “Survey after survey has shown that it is unhappy people who tend to be most self-focused and are often socially withdrawn, brooding, and even antagonistic. Happy people, in contrast, are generally found to be more sociable, flexible, and creative and are able to tolerate life’s daily frustrations more easily than unhappy people. And most important, they are found to be more loving and forgiving than unhappy people.”

So, we need to focus our efforts on helping our children to be happier. One technique you can try this evening is to start a compliment circle. Gather the family and have each person take a turn at turning to the person on their left and giving them a compliment. Encourage others to deliver compliments that are specific to the individual they are addressing. I have had success using this technique with children as young as four years old. Give it a try; you may be surprised at how effective this technique is and how quickly the mood in your home will shift.

Catching our children ‘being good’ is another technique that will quickly raise your child’s feelings of self- worth. Unfortunately too many of us spend our time correcting our children instead of acknowledging what we want repeated. Give your child a recipe for success! Specifically point out what they have done that was correct so they are very clear on what you liked about their behavior. Your child wants to please you so make it easy for them!

Family conversations centered on gratitude are a quick way to increase a child’s positive sense of self. When we actively concentrate on what we are grateful for we are blessed with feelings of peace, happiness, and joy. Entitlementitis has overtaken our society – ‘I breathe, therefore I deserve!’ Save your family from this epidemic by keeping a gratitude journal together. It’s fun and easy, before bed or perhaps at dinner simply record what each of you are grateful each day. Looking for things to be grateful for will quickly shift everyone focus to the positives in life.

When we feel good, we do good! When a child has a good handle on himself and all his abundance it is very unusual to harbor feelings or actions that bully others. When his needs are met he can appropriate get all he wants. There is no need for him to use his power inappropriately. In addition, a secure child is not typically the target of a bully. Bullies tend to spend their time on kids they find easier to manipulate and pick on. A child who presents as happy, safe, and secure tends to stay that way!

Encourage others in what they do. Be generous whenever you pass out praise. It is free; it does not cost anything for you to give out, but the person on the receiving end, benefits tremendously. Make sure your praise is genuine and will not fall under a seemly similar, but quite different category: flattery. Flattery does not really help people. It is confusing and often manipulating. When you praise a person, be specific; keep it very concrete and clear. The person being praised understands why you appreciate them and feels good about what they have done. Although genuine praise requires thought and effort, it is well worth the favor you will gain with others.

Avoid argument and disagreements with other people. A lot of arguments are started over one person criticizing the other. Criticism is always going to break down, not improve, your relationships with others. Always be positive and uplifting, rather than finding fault with people. Remember to accept others in spite of their flaws.

Sometimes, even though you have not done anything to provoke a friend, they might be angry with you. When this happens, just stay calm. Keep your voice low and refuse to let the other person make you angry as well. Apologize, even when you are not in the wrong, because your relationships more important than who is really right or wrong. When the other person sees how calm you are, their anger will soon evaporate, and they will work with you to find a solution peacefully.

One of the most important aspects of being a good friend is listening. When your friend is telling you a story listen attentively. You do care about this person’s personal life; otherwise you would not be their friend, so demonstrate that you care. Watch their face as they speak, and nod your head or laugh in the appropriate places. When you are with your friends, do not control the conversation with your life, listen about their problems and come up with helpful solutions. When you use these little tips to show people you truly care about them and their life, they will return your friendship.

By guiding our children to be great friends we are giving them the tools to develop life-long friendship. Use this next month to catch your children being a great friend and specifically point out what you have observed. What you might see is your child phoning to check on a sick friend, or letting a playmate choose the game to play; discuss what it takes to be a friend and reinforce these behaviors!

Just like everything else we teach our children, we also much use our teachable moments to encourage the virtue of thankfulness. By insisting on words of appreciation from your children you can guided them to become a much happier child. With appreciation comes joy, with joy comes happiness, and let’s face it happier kids are just more fun to be around!

I want you to try this little exercise. Simply take a few minutes and look around wherever you are at the moment. Pay special attention to everything in your view that is blue. 

Now, close your eyes, and recall everything in the room that is green. Not so easy, huh?  That’s because everything that was the color blue became very big, bold, beautiful, and bright. It stood out because that’s what you were putting your attention on. Everything that was green or any other color slid into the background.

Take the May challenge, zero in and catch your children being thankful. Then describe in specific detail what you see and hear them say and do. This reinforcement of what you want repeated will reap amazing benefits for you and your family. What you focus on grows, so put the spot light on the behaviors you want to see more often.

Another great habit to get into is keeping a gratitude journal. (If your children are too young you can write in their book for them.) As you start to journal with your children don’t be surprised if they write about pretty basic stuff: my family, my pets, or pizza. As they became more comfortable with the process, they will be able to come up with specific things for that day. And, I promise you; their glass will go from half-empty to half-full.

I really encourage you to do this with your child. In fact, take some time and go look at stationery so you can find the best journal for them. Involve your child in the process; let them pick up and touch and feel the journals you find until they discover the journal for them. Anytime you can involve your child in the process, the “buy-in” and ownership of the project is enhanced. It is important that the entries be written by hand so you may even want to invest in a ‘special’ gratitude journal pen or pencil. The reason for handwritten journalism is that it forces the writer to pay close attention to what is being recorded. I have found that five is an easy number, record five things you are grateful for each day.

Here’s an additional thought to leave you with: why not journal with them? Being grateful has incredible benefits and, when learning a new habit, it is always more fun when we do it with someone else. So, carve out some time each day and get writing!